Just Another Day in the Life of a Browns Fan..

I am sick of hearing it. I refuse to listen to it. If one more person tries to tell me about their cities “bad luck” or “agony” when it comes to sports, I will lose it. I spent Sunday at a bar (the only place I can go to watch my Browns play) with friends from around the country who, because their teams were not playing at the time, sat and watched the Browns unimaginable loss to the 1-7 Rams with me. So, before I get to the game, these were our conversations:

Friend from San Diego: San Diego has the worst sports luck, but nobody cares because we have the best weather. Response I wanted to reply with: Oh really? I am sorry you have teams that make it to the AFC Championship games multiple years, and I am really, really sorry that you have the best weather. Please save it!

Friend from Minnesota: Minnesota has had some pretty bad luck, I mean, look at the Twins, Vikings, and Timberwolves. Response I wanted to reply with: Please! You were a play away from going to the Super Bowl two years ago; the Twins won a world series in the 1990s, and let us not forget the Minnesota Lynx won the WNBA Championship this year! (Ok, ok, I know, yes I did reference a WNBA team, but seriously they won a championship, that is more than anything a Cleveland team has won in six decades!)

As the game unfolded, I proceeded to tell my friends about all things that have gone wrong in Cleveland sports, and to save myself, and Cleveland friends from an intense spike in blood pressure, I will not go into any details (if you want to know more, Google it or something). Here we go, for the Browns you have the Drive, the Fumble, Red Right 88, and that meltdown against the Steelers the only time we have made the playoffs since we returned. The Indians, probably had one of the best teams in baseball history in the mid 1990s, managed to blow a 2 out lead in the last inning of the 1997 world series, and lost in Game 7 in extra innings, and managed to blow a 3-1 lead in the 2007 ALCS to the Red Sox, who then went on to sweep the Rockies in the World Series. The Cavs have the “shot” by MJ to sink the higher seeded Cavs in the first round of 1989 playoffs, and I need not go any further into the recent memory of Cavs fans.

With all of that said, I sat and watched the Browns play, maybe, one of their most complete games of the season, and yet, they still managed to not find the end zone. The coaches pulled out the trick plays, wide receivers made plays, Colt McCoy was accurate, and still the Browns could not score a touch-down. Thankfully, Phil Dawson, the team MVP (yes I know, he is our kicker), was spot on from four different points kicking field goals in a windy Cleveland Browns Stadium from 44,32,29, and 43 yards, respectively.
And then, when it looked like the Browns had positioned themselves perfectly to have Dawson kick his fifth field goal of the day, and take the lead late in the fourth quarter, it happened. I have said it before, and I am sure I will say it again; it was one of those “only in Cleveland moments.”

It would have been Dawson’s shortest field goal of the day, two yards longer than an extra point attempt. A chip shot, as they like to call it. I sat there at the bar, with my temporary Browns fans friends, about to watch the Browns get a nice win, and all I could do was watch in disbelief, as the snap rolled and bounced to the holder, who somehow managed to control it and hold it, and then as Dawson managed to get the kick off, only for it to be deflected wide left with two minutes to go in the game.
Now, it is not entirely absurd that a snap is bad, it could happen to any team in the NFL. But then you realize that the Browns long snapper is a Pro-Bowler, one of the best in the NFL, and you watch the slow motion replay you see that somehow, some way, the Browns left guard, who should probably try out for Dancing With The Stars because he has to have the quickest feet in America, managed to deflect the snap with his leg, you realize how absurd this actually was. Bad snaps are one thing, but I have never seen a lineman deflect a snap with his leg on a field goal attempt.

I could not even be mad. I mean, sure, I was mad, but then I remember, “It’s the Browns, and I’m a Cleveland fan.” I have become so engrained with stuff like this, that I almost expect it to happen. The Cleveland Browns are clearly the poster child for Murphy’s Law.

So I do not want to hear it anymore, from anyone other than Cleveland fans. Please spare me from your, “it has been a couple of years since we won a championship” talk, or, “man my teams have really bad luck.” I do not, no, I cannot take it anymore, and if you don’t believe me, come join me this Sunday at the bar, and watch a Browns game with me (yes, I will be there, just like all the other weeks, in my jersey rooting on my team). I guarantee you will leave saying, “Man my team ain’t so bad after all.”